- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
- If a parsley farmer is sued can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
- If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
- Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times does he become disoriented?
- Can an atheist get insurance against acts of God?
Friday, June 29, 2007
WAITING-WAITING-WAITING
Thursday, June 28, 2007
BEING BRAVE AND GOING FOR IT
Monday, June 25, 2007
BIRTHDAY BOY
The positive side of being an oldie:
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You'll save a fortune on shampoo.
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You will look distinguished with your receding hairline, double chin and wrinkles.
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You have survived the humiliation of middle age.
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You'll no longer have to suffer the disappointment of thwarted ambitions � you no longer have any.
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You can finally sell those dreadful diet and exercise books that have sat unopened on the bookshelf for years.
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You'll be the champ at history questions.
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You don't need to make an effort anymore. people will expect you to be frumpy, boring and cantankerous.
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Your failing memory allows you to convince yourself that you're a super sex machine.
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You'll be able to talk incessantly about the good old days.
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Your failing eyesight saves you the anguish of seeing your disintegrating body.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
MUSHROOM MANIA
Saturday, June 23, 2007
THE EYES HAVE IT
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."
"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." "Incredible!" remarked the seaman.
"How did you get the eyepatch"?
"A seagull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate.
"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked increduously.
"Well...", said the pirate, "..it was my first day with the hook."
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"EYE" thought that "EYE" would have a bit of fun with you today. Can you guess who's "EYES" these belong to? ************************************************************************************* 1. ************************************************************************************* 2. ********************************************************* 3. ************************************************************************************* 4. ************************************************************************************* 5. ************************************************************************************* 6. ************************************************************************************* 7. ************************************************************************************* 8. ************************************************************************************* 9.Friday, June 22, 2007
LOVE THAT BROCCOLI
Thursday, June 21, 2007
PLAYING HOPSCOTCH
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
MY VERY TALENTED DAUGHTER
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
EVOLUTION OF DANCE
Monday, June 18, 2007
HUMOR GOES A LONG WAY
A massage and pamper day at the spa Aahhh, yes. A day at the spa is not only pleasurable, it's also a great de-stressor. And keeping your stress levels under control will have a positive effect on your physical and emotional well-being. |
Winning a million dollars You couldn't resist, could you? Winning a million bucks will make you instantly wealthy, that's for sure. But happy? Not so much. Read on to find out why money won't buy you bliss. |
Learning to speak a foreign language—fluently Good choice. Both learning new skills and achieving personal goals are associated with increased happiness. |
Renting a beach house for a week with five of your closest friends Spending quality time with good friends is one of the key components of a happy life. And taking time off to relax will also keep your stress levels low. But don't wait for rare opportunities like this to get together with your friends. |
Losing 10 pounds It's important to your health and happiness to maintain a healthy weight. But yo-yo dieting and lose-weight-quick scams are likely to starve you of the happiness you're after. |
World peace A noble aspiration, but you might want to start small—setting unrealistic goals may be a happiness deterrent. Do your part for peace by getting involved with an organization that promotes nonviolent conflict resolution or another peace-promoting issue you feel strongly about. Helping others and feeling a sense of purpose in life is linked to greater happiness. |
Finally getting the garage organized It may not be glamorous but it certainly is gratifying. Cleaning out the clutter and creating a usable space, at long last, will give you a sense of achievement that's guaranteed to boost your well-being. |
Having superhero powers Superhero powers would be super cool, without a doubt. But they might cause more stress than happiness. Plus, it's never going to happen. By focusing on more attainable goals, you'll be more likely to make them come true and that will make you happy. |
A glowing report from the dentist Healthy teeth are definitely something to smile about. In fact, health in general is one of the strongest predictors of happiness. So take care of yourself from tooth to toe. |
A long walk (or run) in the park Physical activity is a great way to instantly increase your sense of well-being. And by incorporating exercise into your daily routine you'll be both healthier and happier in the long run. |
A sharp rise in the value of your investments |
Sunday, June 17, 2007
BASKET MAKING USING FABRIC
Yesterday I took a basket weaving class and now I am hooked on another technique for expressing my artistic endeavor.
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HERE ARE SOME INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT BASKETRY THAT EVEN I DIDN'T KNOW!!!!
Basketry is the weaving of unspun vegetable fibers, usually to form a container. Baskets have been made from any wood, vine, leaf, or fiber that could be formed into a desirable shape.
Archaeologists tell us that the oldest known baskets presently appear to be some unearthed in Faiyum in upper Egypt. Dating tests have shown them to be between 10,000 and 12,000 years old. Other Middle Eastern sites have produced baskets up to 7000 years old. The earliest dates for baskets are older than any yet established by archaeologists for pottery.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
EVEN IF YOU AREN'T FROM TEXAS
Friday, June 15, 2007
I LOVE CREAM OF WHEAT
Thursday, June 14, 2007
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
THROUGH THICK AND THIN
Monday, June 11, 2007
THE SOPRANOS ARE FINISHED
WOULDN'T YOU know it? Tony Soprano met his maker while sharing onion rings with his wife and kids at a New Jersey diner.
Or you could say Tony Soprano's last meal as a free man was the onion rings he shared with Carmela, Meadow and A.J.
Or maybe they enjoyed their meal and went back to suburbia to live out their American dream.
Which do you think it is? When the screen went black we thought we lost our connection to HBO but that was how the series creator planned it. The song by Journey called "Don't Stop Believin" played on the jukebox at their table. I JUST AM NOT HAPPY WITH THE END. ************************************************************************************* On the other hand, tonight the series "BIG LOVE" is returning to HBO. You know it is about a man who juggles three wives. Can you imagine having three husbands? I would go out of my mind trying to please all of them, wouldn't you? Here is a funny cartoon for you.